


Pressure Points

by forgivemeremus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Artist Sirius Black, M/M, Nonbinary Remus Lupin, Nonbinary Sirius Black, Sort Of, Trans Remus Lupin, Trans Sirius Black, chronic pain remus, cis james potter, gender euphoria, he/they, james is into astrology, mind reader sirius, nvm there is smut, t4t
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28765848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgivemeremus/pseuds/forgivemeremus
Summary: "Person A has the power to see/sense injuries (anything from bruises to broken bones to hypothermia). They meet Person B when they see suspicious or worrying injuries on them as they walk past each other."Sirius passes the fit Remus on the street and feels their pain, like they'd been "torn apart and stitched back together" and decides to chat them up.Both Remus and Sirius use he/they pronouns and I switch between them both throughout.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	1. suave is my middle name

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompt by @otpprompts on tumblr
> 
> For positionality, i am also genderfluid nonbinary and use they/he pronouns and have chronic pain.  
> Find me on tumblr @questionten !

Sirius was a remarkably interesting person. It wasn’t just the black hair that rolled to his shoulders, or the utterly mesmerizing way he smoked a cigarette, so nonchalantly, so sensually by nature that a stranger could stumble over their feet as they slow to a crawl to watch him pull in the smoke then let it dribble from between his lips. It was more than the black clothes that looked effortlessly beautiful on him, or the swaggering confidence. There was something else there that simultaneously drew people in and pushed them out, that had people standing feet away from him, afraid to get too close to the enigma that was Sirius Black. Something in the way his eyes scattered across the faces of everyone who passed him, and they way he frequently winced. There was a line between his eyebrows from constant fretful puckering. It was a quirk that made strangers lean in to him subconsciously, but similarly befuddled and unsettled them. Because there was something there. It was a mysterious thing that told passersby he knew something they didn’t. It’s scary when you think you see someone more enlightened than you. People always think they’d jump at the chance to know secrets of the universe, to see unseen dimensions around them. But really, when they’re faced with knowing they flinch hard away from the heavy magnetic field of knowledge that ripples around people like Sirius.

And Sirius knew this. He knew he exuded an energy that kept people at arm’s length. He learned to adjust his expectations for niceties and acquaintances accordingly. And he took a lot of walks. That way he could see people gave him an intimate insight that a friend might have. It was a way for him to feel connected to the world.

So, like any other day, he donned a leather jacket - supple and buttery soft with wear - stepped into his bulky black boots and started down the street. He was feeling overwhelmed today for a reason he couldn’t pin point, and pulled out a cigarette to soothe his nerves. As his took the first drag, almost closing his eyes to focus on the crackle of the cherry, he flinched away from the pain of the man passing him on his right. He couldn’t exactly feel the pain - not like a gash in his flesh or a blinding flash behind his eyes, but like a dull pressing against his skin. Intrusive but not altogether unpleasant. The flesh of his forearms pulsed with pressure while the man walked by, then faded. Sirius followed him with his eyes. Just a man in a sweater, eating a bagel and drinking a coffee, hurrying down the road to class, or to work. It often was. Just a person, that is. Almost never did the pressure of pain come from someone haggard looking like victim from law and order. This truth unsettled him today, flipped his stomach. Most days he could ignore the existential dread that came from this extra sensory ability. That so many people ache deeply and universally and frequently and privately. If he didn’t he’d never be able to function. But today his fingers and toes tingled with the empathy of the person waiting for the bus with a headache, the person running down the subway steps with an especially heavy pressure of pain above their hips. Probably period cramps. His eyes caught on a particularly beautiful person as he neared the end of his cigarette. On golden curls that looked like they shone when they took care of themself right - which the dull shine in the hair and the massive eye bags told Sirius that they weren’t. But it was an enduring sort of dullness. A friendly sort of sleepiness. Their face was freckled and, to Sirius’ surprise, scarred and pockmarked. Their eyes, a kinetic swirling bronze nearly caught on Sirius’. With a blush, Sirius looked away. But when they passed, Sirius stopped and watched them walk into the coffee shop a few doors down. As they passed, Sirius felt echoes of pain throughout his entire body. Clattering from between his ears, to his shoulders, his hips, his elbows. His ribs smarted and all over his skin felt warm. He’d felt the pangs of chronic pain around his before, but this person seemed to have been torn apart and stitched back together. How were they standing? How were they so…average? Just a person. Sirius felt a sudden urgency to look after them. They must have been suffering. As people ran into him, muttering at him for stopping in the flow of the foot traffic, he resolved to talk to them. But of course he couldn’t just follow from the same direction. He would look like a stalker. Instead he began back in the same direction he was already headed, lighting another cigarette (taking three tries before he could keep a flame on the lighter), speeding up with his trotting heart. He circled the block quickly and came into the coffee shop from the other direction. He looked through the window and sighed thankfully to see the person sitting at a table, an open book flanked by a mug and a pastry. Grinding the toe of his boot into the butt of his cigarette, he opened the door to the cafe and stood in line. Again, he was assaulted by the pressure points of their injuries, and ground his teeth in an effort to stand his ground and order a coffee before stopping the stranger. When he finally got his coffee, black, iced, he slowly stepped toward their table. Sirius almost smiled to see the way their ankles were hooked together under their chair, the way their arms where folded on top of one another below their book, which they were beautifully absorbed in. They didn’t seem phased in the slightest by the pain Sirius sensed they were feeling. Sirius stood beside the empty chair across the stranger and hesitated,

  
“Could I uh, sit here?” He asked. He hadn’t even thought of the very real possibility that this person would deny him his request until after he’d made it.

  
The bronze eyes flashed with something like defiance, something like confusion, something like intrigue before a smile crooked their lips and they gestured to the chair.

  
“I’m Sirius.” He quirked a watchful eyebrow to take in the inquisitive look he expected. They were silent for a beat, then seemed to accept that strange name for this strange man.

  
“Remus.” He nodded in response.

  
“How do you spell that?” The corners of Remus’ lips quirked in a repressed smile.

  
“R-E-M-U-S.”

  
“Remus.” Sirius muttered to himself, as if trying it on. “Can I ask what your pronouns are?”

  
“Oh. Yeah. Thanks, uh, he/they.”

  
Sirius smiled. “Me too!”

  
They held eye contact for many moments before Sirius brought his straw to his lips and drank his coffee. Remus brought their mug to their lips and did the same.

  
“What are you reading?” Sirius tried to look for a title at the top of the page.

  
“The Humans,” Remus offered shortly. They didn’t seem to be displeased at Sirius’ appearance, but puzzled. They certainly felt this palpable energy that must make other people uncomfortable. It was a sort of intensity, an authority, a mystery that felt a little too potent to be safe.

  
“Is it any good?” Sirius had never heard of the book.

  
Remus nodded, “It may in fact be my new favorite book.”

  
“That good?” A sip of coffee.

  
Remus’ lips twitched as they failed to repress a smile once again. “Yeah,” they closed their finger in the book and looked dotingly at the cover as they spoke. “It’s about the human experience. It’s like a shimmering, vibrating awe and honesty. I don’t know.”

  
Sirius made a mental note of the cover and title. A person who can wax poetic about the human experience. That adds up, he thought, thinking of the way their energy seemed to wax poetic over their pain.

  
Remus shifted their weight almost imperceptibly to the left as Sirius felt a jolt of increased pressure on their right.

  
“Are you alright?” He asked before they could stop himself.

  
Remus was startled, because they didn’t think they’d been obvious about the throbbing sharp pain that was burrowed in their joints. They fitfully pushed their hair back, “uh, yeah. I- it’s nothing.”

  
“Oh okay, sorry.” A beat. “Sorry for,” he didn’t know what to say. Following you here? Butting in? Being able to sense your intimate personal physical experiences? He just gestured broadly instead.

  
“You’re fine. You seem like the type of person I’d go out of my way to talk to too so, no harm no foul.”

  
Sirius’ shoulders dropped in relief. “Brilliant.” He smiled broadly. Out of habit his fingers twitched for a cigarette again, so instead he pulled out a sketchbook and pencil to occupy his hands. Sirius like to draw some of the people he saw on the streets passing him by, and he saw a rather intriguing person the other day - vast eye bags, exhausted posture, looking more tired and sad than Sirius had almost ever seen before. Sirius drew them in the moment that made him want to draw the stranger - peeking out from under their umbrella toward the sky to check if the rain had stopped.

  
“Are you…drawing me?” Remus inquired.

  
Sirius stopped drawing and looked up, “Oh, no! Don’t worry I’m not that creepy.”

  
Remus laughed in embarrassment and a blush rushed to their cheeks. “Oh, no, I - no it’s fine I just - sorry for assuming.”

  
Sirius pressed his lips together to hold back the grin that was building up behind them.“I can draw you if you want though, you have a good face for drawing.” Sirius let himself grin widely as the blush intensified on Remus’ cheeks.

  
“Oh you don’t have to I -”

  
“May I though?”

  
“Sure.” Remus croaked. They were beating themselves up as this electricity of being a muse or a subject of this beautiful person’s precise hands shot through them. For making him draw them. Sirius smiled so warmly though that they couldn’t be upset, right?

  
“You can go back to reading, just ignore my smoldering gaze.” Sirius winked.

  
Remus ducked their head back toward their book so Sirius couldn’t see the extent to which they were enjoying this. And they tried to read. But the words slipped past their gaze as, through their eyelashes, they saw Sirius’ hands moving in languid, intentional long strokes. Like he just knew exactly what to put where with no hesitation. Remus watched him make his curling, pirouetting graphite lines and, when they realized that these short spinning marks were Sirius drawing their hair, the blush leapt back to their face and they raked their fingers through their hair out of habit. Their eyes met when Sirius looked back up to study them and Remus had to swallow back the enamor for this artist that built up in their throat. No way could they be falling for this person they’d known for a quarter of an hour. They were just in shock that someone was paying attention to them, surely.

  
“Want to see?”

  
Remus nodded quickly.

  
Sirius spun the sketchbook toward them and Remus’ lips fell open. It looked just like them. Messy curls around their head and their heavy dark eyelashes over their round nose. Sirius even got the freckles and the scars just right and the sliver of lip they could see with Remus’ head tilted toward they book was lush in a way they could never believe were their own lips. Sirius drew the tops of their shoulders in their thick cable knit sweater and it was… beautiful. “Wow Sirius this is… incredible I-” Their eyes travelled to the corner of the page opposite the date that read ‘Remus, he/they, #’

  
“He/they, pound symbol?”

  
“Number symbol. I just don’t have the number yet to put behind it.”

  
Remus’ heart leapt into their throat and hammered there. “Suave.”

  
“Suave is my middle name.” And he placed the pencil on the page and pushed it toward them.

Shaking their head slightly at the risk they were taking of giving this stunning stranger their cell number, they nonetheless wrote it down eagerly.

  
Sirius scribbled in the corner of another page and, as he went to tear it out, a phone ringing made them both jump. “Ah thats me.” Sirius dug in his pocket, placing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter on the table to get to his phone. “Jamie!” He tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder and tore out the phone number from the book.

He slid it to Remus as he listened to James tell him more about something Lily had said about his latest outfit experiment. ‘Call me sometime’ Remus read before Sirius’ number and bit his lip. Sirius was looking bemusedly at a spot out the window as he listened to the call.

“Oh I forgot! Sorry I-” He straightened quickly and made a guilty face at Remus. “Yeah I’m in a coffee shop, I’ll be there in ten. Yeah just my regular go ahead and order it, I’ll be there soon.” And he hung up.

“Sorry Remus, I’ve got to dash, I forgot I was meeting my brother for lunch.” He shoved his book and pencil back in his bag, and the box of cigarettes, save for one for the road, back into his pockets. “It was great to meet you, text me some time, will you?”

And as Remus nodded he was out the door and lighting up his cigarette while jogging up the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book Remus is reading is The Humans by Matt Haig


	2. Bloody Superpower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \

Sirius realized their ability sort of late in their life, you could say. They were nearly eleven when they found out not everybody else had this strange keen sense. It was in class that they’d heard the literature teacher say of a character, “It seems that her fatal flaw is that she has to feel everyone else’s pain, doesn’t it? Because she doesn’t seem to cope so well with it. Being the only person you know who feels so deeply is very isolating to her.”   
And the way Ms. Pince said this made Sirius unsure if everyone else could do this as they’d so long believed. They turned to James and elbowed him hard in the ribs. “You can do that too though, right?”  
“Huh?”  
“Feel everyone else’s pain like May.”  
“Uh, no mate. Thats the whole point. No one else has that much empathy.”  
“It’s not empathy though, she feels people’s pain, James.” They were getting snippy because they’d never heard anyone else ever talked about being able to feel others’ pain before and they wanted desperately to hear someone say it.   
“No it’s just a saying.” James tried to explain.  
“Boys, is there something you’d like to share with the class?”  
“When you say May was feeling everyone else’s pain, thats just a phrase of speech right? Not literal?” James asked.  
“Of course. She was just very empathetic, meaning she got sad when other people did.”  
Sirius was troubled. They furrowed their brows and looked at their hands. They began to sense over the last few years that people related to their ability less and less when they realized that no one else ever spoke of it or winced when walking by people, or knew what they meant when they said someone’s pain was pushing on them too hard. But they thought that other people at least felt it a little bit too and were just quiet about it. Sirius always refused to examine their experiences because they couldn’t handle the thought that they were odd.   
When school was over and they walked each other home, James asked them why they were being so weird about the feelings thing.   
“James,” Sirius stopped and turned to see him, seriously. “If I stub my toe, can you feel it?”  
“What? Sirius no one can do that.”  
“What?”  
“Okay very funny.”  
“You’ve never even heard of that being a thing before?”  
“Because it’s not, Sirius.”  
Sirius ground their teeth and tried to force back the tears of anger and betrayal they were feeling. No one? Ever? Feels like me? Am I crazy? “I can.”  
“Can what?”  
“I can feel it when someone stubs their toe. Or gets a paper cut. Or hits their head. I-I can feel that you have a headache and your stomach hurts because you’re hungry. And that Ms. Pince’s knees and hips hurt which is why she's been sitting lately. I can feel that your mum’s been having migraines lately.”  
“No you can’t.” James looked confused and lost.  
Sirius pulled their hair and started to cry. “I can James! I thought everyone else could too for so long but it’s, it’s just…me? Whats wrong with me James?”  
James’ eyes widened as his best friend started to cry and he held them by the shoulders. “Hey oh woah nothing! Nothing is wrong with you. Can you… show me? Like you close your eyes and I pinch myself and you tell me where?” Was this a test? Sirius nodded anyway. “Okay close your eyes, mate.” And they did. A moment lapsed. Sirius twitched as a new pressure was introduced to their left thigh.  
“You pinched your left thigh.”  
“No way, you were peeking.”  
Sirius’ lips twitched in a smile knowing that they were right. “Okay I’ll turn around, do it again.”  
And he did. And again Sirius told him that he had pinched, this time, both his left thigh and right shoulder.  
James burst out in excited laughter. “How do you do that! That’s incredible Sirius, really, I wish I could do that.” Laughter bubbled from Sirius’ lips too and they wiped the moisture from their eyes and started walking again. James bumped their shoulder emphatically, “You have a bloody superpower!”  
“No I don’t I’ve got a bloody - a disorder or something.”  
“Well it’s an awesome disorder if it is. Can you tell me if Lily’s acting funny because she’s on her period or not?”   
“Ew! James! I am not answering that.”  
“Ha! So you can!” He doubled over in laughter. “I can’t believe this, that’s incredible!”  
“You know how girls cramps then? That’s all, I just feel that.” They mumbled, blushing.  
“So you feel exactly the pain other people do?”  
Sirius shook their head and explained as they walked home.

Sirius remembered this interaction wistfully as he walked from the coffee shop to the local asian fusion restaurant a few blocks away. He smiled breathlessly through the window at James as he saw him and tossed the butt of his cigarette.  
“Hey, so sorry I’m late,” he apologized, trotting to the corner table where James was already halfway through a bowl of edamame.   
James dramatically rolled his eyes and sighed, “How could you forget about me dear Si?”  
Sirius took his seat and shook his head. “I uh, got distracted. Coffee.”  
“Distracted by coffee?” Sirius nodded and shrugged. “Uh huh…And what else?”  
Sirius blushed. “No one.”  
“You dog!” He laughed. “I never said who! Who are they?”  
“It’s funny actually uh, they were…” he tried to phrase it delicately as he grabbed an edamame pod so as not to imply any stalking went on. “Well they walked by me and I’d never, never felt a pain like that before I mean James this person…I don’t know how they’re standing to be quite frank.”  
“So you followed them. Right.”  
“That makes me sound so…unsavory. No I, well yes okay I followed them into the coffee shop and -”  
“Asked them what was wrong with their bloody tight body?”  
“No. Though their body was bloody tight. But no, I asked to sit with them.”  
“Not creepy.”  
“Exactly, and uh we talked a bit and I … I drew them. BUT-” he raised his voice and his hands to talk over James who’d exclaimed loudly, “in my defense they ASKED me too because I was drawing and they thought I was drawing them. It was a whole thing.”  
“Well let’s see it then,” James said with a shit eating grin.   
Sirius rolled his eyes and hesitated pulling out his sketchbook as James chewed through his wide grin and nodded as if to say, Go on. He laid it out in front of James who let out a low whistle.   
“They are fit. ‘Remus’.” He read. “And you got his digits!” Sirius grinned back, running his hands through his hair and resolving to tie it in a bun. “And he yours?” He nodded. “Brilliant. You should text them! Invite them for dinner.”  
Sirius spluttered. “Dinner?! James it’s been minutes!”  
“Fine, text later then, when it's been hours.”  
Sirius just rolled his eyes and shook his head. No use arguing with James, he just wouldn’t do it. Well, maybe he’d text Remus, but not ask them to dinner for Christ’s sake. There’s a line, he’s sure and he’s sure he’s already toed over it this morning. Luckily their food was placed in front of them at just this moment, so Sirius didn’t have to worry about James pressing the subject for a while longer at least. 

Sirius chewed their red curry tofu slowly, their brain flitting through images of their time in the coffee shop. Or, more precisely, of Remus. They weren’t trying to think of him but god, he just had these eyes that were so kinetic despite the fatigue obvious around them. And the quirk of his lips in the corner when he was trying to swallow back a smile. Sirius’ stomach did a pirouette that had nothing to do with his meal.   
“Sirius, mate, are listening to me?”  
“Huh? Oh, sorry James yeah I’m listening.”  
“Are you thinking about that Remund still?”  
“Remus,” he corrected unthinkingly through a mouthful of cauliflower. He looked up to see James’ bemused expression.  
“Yeah alright, text them. Go on.”  
“James I’m not you with Lily. I’m not to badger them until they leave the country.”  
“No, but I haven’t seen you look off into the distance with such a soppy look in… ever maybe. You look like you’re in the notebook or something.”  
“You’ve never seen the notebook.’  
“Right but I get the gist and you look utterly lost on someone you met for half an hour because their joints hurt.”  
“Sod off.”  
“Text them.”  
“I’m not inviting them to dinner.”  
“Just text them.”  
“James -”  
“You know how persistent I can be, do you really want this to be what your day is like?”  
Sirius sighed and pulled out their phone. James gleefully shoveled another forkful into his grinning mouth and watch Sirius open the sketchbook again to the page with Remus’ number.   
What to say to someone you just met in a coffee shop. Sirius was utterly stumped. Would it be weird to send a photo of the drawing? Yes. Don’t do that. ‘Hi it’s Sirius :0)’. Safe but perhaps too safe. ‘Can I take you out sometime?’ Absolutely not. They never had to agonize like this when they usually texted people they liked. This felt stupid.   
“Hey Remus, this is Sirius 🌟 it was nice to meet you ☺️”  
It was too much and they knew it. And yet. They sent it to get it over with. And stowed their phone face down on the table to forget about it.   
“There. Texted, now leave me alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @questionten !


	3. Remus

Remus’ mind was spinning as Sirius strode out of the cafe. They put their head into their hands and took a deep breath. A beautiful person just sat down at their table. On purpose. And drew them. And exchanged numbers. They must be dreaming. _I mean, look at me_. They thought. They thought of their scars - though thankfully most were hidden by their sweater which they also internally groaned over. _They just had to meet me on a day where I’ve been up all night in pain, and in my rattiest sweater._

They just came to the coffee shop for a change of scenery from laying in bed feeling sorry for themselves and of course a bloody fit stranger had to sit down and _perceive_ them. A bloody fit stranger with the same pronouns as them. Whose black jeans and leather jacket and lush hair already had them putty in their chair. Pathetic. And god the way he pulled out a cigarette in his twitching hands, they could just imagine the way Sirius held it between his lips like a prayer, pushing his hair back and sighing through the smoke. It was the way Remus felt with a joint, and the way they could see themselves feeling next to this stranger.

They shut their eyes tight and tried to shake away this stranger and all thoughts of them. They couldn’t occupy this precious real estate in their mind, it wasn’t realistic and it wasn’t fair. They took a deep sip of their coffee and tried to concentrate on their book again, only to be pulled back from the pages by memories of Sirius’ smirk, and the way he looked at them through his eyelashes between pencil strokes. Fuck. How hopeless. Remus pulled out their headphones in an effort to drown out their thoughts with loud music. They shuffled their library and had to skip slow sappy song after slow sappy song. They sighed in exasperation. This did not have to be this fraught and hard, it simply did not. It was a passing fancy, they were sure. They were sure they’d forget all about the beautiful stranger by the next day - though even as they thought it, Sirius’ phone number was burning a hole in their pocket.

They decided to believe it was a dream instead. Because, of course, it must have been one. No one in waking life would just walk up to them and willingly place themselves in their presence. So that was it, a dream then. A bloody good one though. Remus shook their head to shake out thoughts of the stranger and turned on their most abrasive playlist, turning it up until they couldn’t think anymore and tried to read again. But the words just swam past them and they repressed a groan at how distracted and restless they’d become, shutting their book, shoving it back in their bag along with the rest of the chocolate croissant, swallowing down the rest of their coffee. They needed to smoke a joint. Or a cigarette, they thought, remembering Sirius fidgeting with his. They didn’t even _smoke_ cigarettes. They stormed out of the cafe ignoring the defiant groaning of their joints and hopped onto the first bus going toward their apartment.

  
As they fumbled for their keys, they felt a terse buzzing in their pocket and froze. Couldn’t be. They pushed the thought of black hair from their mind and pushed the door open.

  
“Hey Rem, thought you’d be out longer.” It was their roommate, Marlene, in the kitchen buttering a piece of toast.

  
“Hm?” They looked at her and blinked. “Oh yeah me too I… just got too distracted.”

  
“Yeah you seem a little off.”

  
They made a noncommittal sound in the back of their throat and pulled out their phone out of pure habit and dropped it on the ground.

  
“Jesus Remus, whats going on?!” She grabbed the phone off the floor and held it out to her roommate.

  
“No bloody way,” Remus whispered looking at their phone like a deer in headlights.

  
“Really!”

  
Remus opened the message from Sirius and read it 4 times before sinking onto the couch and pulling their box of weed in front of them.

  
“Hey Remus, this is Sirius 🌟 it was nice to meet you ☺️”

  
They were real. And texted them. First. Moments after meeting. With two bloody emojis.

  
Remus felt their heart backflip into their throat and they bit back a smile.

  
“Earth to Remus!”

  
“Oi, what's up Re?” Marlene’s partner, Dorcas flopped onto the couch beside them.

  
Marlene gave her a withering look.

  
“Uh, I…met someone?”

  
“What?!” Dorcas and Marlene said together. “Care to elaborate?”

  
“Hang on I think I’m in shock I need to smoke first.”

  
In a daze, Remus twisted their grinder, filling a bowl and twisting around at odd angles in an attempt to locate a lighter. Marlene sighed lightheartedly and lit the bowl for them.

A few minutes later, eyes pleasantly heavy and shock hazily dulled, Remus told the girls, “So, I’m sitting right? Just sitting and like reading. And this god this fucking fit stranger comes in and you won’t believe this, you won’t believe it, chats me up!”

  
“A stranger?!”

  
Remus nodded. “And they sit down and like, I don’t know, ask me my name and pronouns?? And they have the same bloody pronouns!” They moaned into their hands. “And they started drawing and-” they blushed, “and I asked if they were drawing me and they weren’t but asked if they could so they bloody drew me! Just right there!” Remus’ voice was about 3 octaves higher than their regular pitch.

  
Dorcas and Marlene squealed, their mouths hanging out and eyes huge, “Fuck off no they didn’t!”

  
Remus nodded again. “And then we exchanged numbers and they had to run and….” They gestured to their phone.

  
“They texted already??” Dorcas asked grabbing their phone. “Oh my god!!” She showed the text to Marlene.

  
“Sirius?? That’s the sexiest fucking name I’ve ever heard. Please go out with them. Oh my god this is like a fucking movie.”

  
“It must be, no way this is real.”

  
“Oh no, it’s definitely real. So what are you saying back?”

  
Shit. They hadn’t thought about that. Responding.

  
Luckily their inhibitions were lowered and they could write a message that sober Remus would likely overanalyze and pick apart and agonize over.

  
“Hey Sirius!! Pleasant to meet you too, glad you texted! 🌙”

  
They sent it before they could think anymore about it.

  
Dorcas read over their shoulder. “Okay, Remus! ‘Glad you texted’ Soppy motherfucker.”

  
“Bugger off.” They mumbled, ducking away to hide the blush blooming across their cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that everyone experiences gender differently and that you may not experience gender or pronouns in the same ways remus and sirius do and that's okay and doesn't make either experience less valid! It doesn't come up much for now but i forgot to mention that earlier and wanted to make sure it was said xxx


	4. Savor it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus share a first date with James and Peter.

SIRIUS

Sirius smiled and bit his lip. Remus was _Glad he texted_. He chewed a fingernail - a nasty habit he picked up specifically because his parents referred to it as ‘behaviour below them’, but was now a thoughtless tic he couldn’t quite kick. Much like smoking. His face screwed up as he tasted a flake of his black polish.

James eyed him bemusedly while swallowing a bite of tofu. “Oi, what’d they say?”

“Glad I texted,”

“Ah, I’ll prepare the wedding invitations now.” He snorted and shook his head.

Sirius rolled his eyes, busying himself with a response as James forked food off of his plate, (“It’s gonna get cold,”)

_Sorry I had to run off like that - totally forgot about lunch with James. I’d like to finish a cup of coffee with you sometime though._

He hoped that was okay to say. He hoped Remus would like that too.

“So are you interested in seeing this person because you hope to find out what’s wrong with them, or to shag them?”

“Jesus, James!”

“What?!” He asked around a mouthful of rice.

“Either way makes me sound like I’ma prick! No I, okay so I know I was drawn to them bc of their like, body pain, but I noticed _them_ before _that_. Like I just want to get to know them. And if I get shagged or make sure they’re safe and okay then hey, win win right?”

“Win win.” He conceded, lifting his glass in a toast.

**Ah, not a problem I understand the forgotten engagement. Hope you’re eating something good at least for having to book it like that. And I’d love to settle our interrupted coffee.**

_Definitely eating something good - curry (my favorite) hope I’m not keeping you from your shimmering book_

**Hardly. I left shortly after you - couldn’t concentrate anymore. Came home and smoked a bowl. Severely wishing I had a plate of curry right now. Savor it Sirius. One day you might not have that bowl of curry when you need it most.**

Sirius didn’t know what to make of ‘couldn’t concentrate anymore.’ Were they as affected by that interaction as he was?

“Oi, Earth to Sirius! Honestly! I am not used to this level of inattention, I’ll be in withdrawals by dessert at this rate.” James pouted, glasses slipping down his nose as he crossed his arms and sat back with a huff.

“Don’t strain yourself princess. Fine I’ll just respond and put this away til after we eat.”

“Why don’t you just invite them to dinner where you can say all the things you’d spend your day ignoring me to talk about _then?_ ”

“Maybe.”

_See, you can be jealous of my curry til the chickens come home but I’d implore you to savor that bowl, bc I severely wish I was high._

Siriusgrimaced slightly. It was looking more and more like he’d bite the bullet and ask Remus to dinner but he despised the idea of letting James think he’d been the reason why.

**What I’m hearing is that we need to share a bowl and a curry one of these days.**

Sirius’ stomach fluttered and he groaned. “Alright, I’m asking. But if they reject me and leave me for dead, you’re the own dealing with me for the rest of the day. On your own head be it and all that.”

“I deal with your dramatics everyday, Black. I think I can handle that.”

_I would agree strongly._

_I realize we literally just met but if you’re free maybe tonight you could join me and James for dinner?? With joints on me?_

“What did you say?” James was straining across the entirety of the table to try to read the screen. He grabbed at the phone, “Siriuuuus.”

“Right and I’m the dramatic one,” He handed the phone to James who shrugged and pulled the screen close to his face.

“You two are too bloody much - oh he responded.”

“What did he say?!” Sirius launched himself toward James, trying to wrench back the phone.

James twisted away from him, reading the text aloud. “‘That sounds wonderful. Today is actually one of the last evenings I’m free for the next few days so that works out perfectly.’ Ooh, Sirius it sounds like a date! Can’t wait to meet this guy. What should we make them? Can’t be curry, you’ve just had that. Ask them what else they like. And do they drink? Maybe we could grab wine or beers-”

“Okay James you go ahead and think on that - quietly, to yourself, and I’ll ask them.”

Sirius was ecstatic. He tried to swallow the excitement and eagerness down though, he hated getting his hopes up. He operated on zero expectations so he’d never be let down but just now, a bit of hope was bubbling up in the his chest. His fingers ghosted over the cigarettes in his pocket as he thought again about the smattering of freckles on Remus cheeks and over the knuckles he saw just past the patterned jumper they wore.

_Brilliant. James says we can’t feed you curry since we’re already eating it, so I’ll need some ideas. He’d also like to know if you drink and if you like wine or beer if you do._

Less than an hour later the two were wandering through the aisles at the grocery store filling the cart with anything they thought they’d like to try, along with beer (dark and pissy, they weren’t sure his taste), whiskey, and everything one could want to put atop a pizza.

Sirius was practically sprinting back to the apartment, he was so full of nervous energy. James just laughed and shook his head, yelling past the bustling crowd between them, “Oi! Mellow out, would you? Come back here!”

Sirius froze suddenly in place in response, making the woman unfortunate enough to be follow behind him slam into his body in a huff.

“Sorry!” He exclaimed, sliding himself against the shop window to his right as he waited for James to catch up, now laughing at him, full bellied.

“I cannot wait to see what you’re like when this poor bloke comes over tonight.”

“I’ll be charming and sensual and kind is what I’ll be like!”

“Right, not neurotic and cartwheeling around them.”

“I’ll get out my cartwheel energy before they get here. You know how easily I can zip but and be presentable, courtesy of the most ancient and noble house of blacks.”

James had to concede to that and didn’t tease his anxious energy much more in the intervening hours. James put away the groceries and Sirius buzzed around the house tidying, singing loudly (and surprisingly well) to Queen, which made James smile privately. He texted Lily about how excited Sirius was for his date tonight. It really was quite tender to see him like this - nervous and excited and enamored. James wondered what to expect from Remus when they got there.

_“You’ve got a nine to five so I’ll take the night shift! And I’ll never see you again, if I can help it!”_ Sirius bellowed from the shower. James grinned and opened a Guinness. “ _In five years I hope these songs feel like covers, dedicated to new lovers!”_ ”

A few minute later Sirius emerged into the living room wearing a black v-neckt shirt exposing most of his tattoos, black jeans with a chain draped from a belt loop to his back pocket, and black socks. He was debating between pulling on his doc martens to complete the look and leaving them off at the risk of looking like he was trying to hard by wearing shoes in his own home. He decided he’d rather Remus see the full ensemble and pulled on both his boots and his leather jacket in the minutes before they were due to arrive. James decided to bite back the teasing he’d otherwise unleash on Sirius for putting on a jacket and boots just to stay inside their house. He was looking in a round mirror beside the dining table, running his hands through his hair when a buzz sounded by the door.

Sirius nearly tripped over himself getting to the intercom, “Hello?”

“Er - hello? This is uh, Remus.”

“Ah perfect! Come on up!” Sirius unlocked the building door and anxiously patted his pocket for a cigarette. He’d left them by his bed, but it was for the best as he tried not to smoke in the house anyway - it was just a force of habit. A tentative knock sounded and Sirius waited a moment before opening so as not to seem like he was waiting right behind the door.

“Remus,” his tension melted away and he smiled at the shy person in the doorway. “Come in,” he stepped aside and was privately pleased to see Remus give him a once over with slightly wide eyes.

Sirius did the same, taking in the joint tucked behind their left ear, the same elaborately knit sweater that they wore earlier, the tight dark wash jeans and their own well worn doc martens which were grey with age. They looked at Sirius, lids just this side of heavy and eyes pink with a fading high, and smiled back.

“Hey,” they whispered as they stepped inside and toed off their boots.

They took in the flat around them - tidy in the sense that everything seems deliberately placed, but cluttered. The front door opened right into the living room and dining room which was open concept and littered with art supplies and football paraphernalia. A record player settled in the back corner by the book shelves which were packed with rows and rows of books, stacks of records and CDs and canvases and small sculptures. A man was seated on a warm brown couch that looked well loved and safe. He rose to meet Remus with a contagiously bright grin, hand outstretched.

“Remus! Thrilled to meet you, I’m James.” James wore a loose white t shirt and light blue jeans, he looked homey and comfortable and Remus instantly calmed as they shook his hand.

“James,” they turned to Sirius, “Your brother?”

“Aw, Siri my love!” He beamed to hear he was introduced as a brother, “Like a brother yes, I took them under my wing years ago. Inseparable since. Come sit down, can I get you something to drink?”

Sirius sat first and Remus followed, setting themself down on an armchair adjacent to the couch. “A drink would be great.”

James stepped into the kitchen just off the dining room and called through the wall, “Beer okay?”

“That’s perfect.”

“Guinness or Corona?”

“Guinness, if you will.”

“Oh, there’s whiskey too if you’d rather.”

Sirius felt a zap of emotion roll off of Remus who snapped back quickly, “No thank you.”

Sirius cocked his head and looked at them for a moment. The sensation was one he’d tuned into when his brother Regulus was upset or scared, and hadn’t felt much since then. James was rather untraumatized and Sirius didn’t spend much time with too many other people, and it was something he could really only sense in people he was connected to, unlike physical pain. He tried not to dwell on the protective worry that bubbled up inside him.

James emerged a moment later with two Guinnesses, handing one to each of them before settling beside Sirius and picking up his own. “Good choice. I get the Corona for Pete, he always prefers the piss beers for some reason.”

“Kind of you to indulge him.” Remus murmured.

James chuckled as a door opened behind them.

“I heard my name,” came a small voice.

“Hey Pete,” Sirius turned to greet a short but friendly looking man. “We were just complimenting your stellar taste in urinal water beers.”

“Oi! It just goes down easier!”

Remus laughed, “that makes sense,” they assured Peter, who came and sat on the floor opposite the coffee table at their feet, piss beer in hand.

Peter’s lips crooked in a small smile, looking at them as if trying to decipher if he was supposed to know who they were. “I’m Remus,” they said in explanation.

“I met them at the coffee shop in town.” Sirius expounded.

“Ah,” Peter nodded, “Pleasure.”

“So Remus, you said this was one of your only nights free for a while, what do you have going on?” Asked James.

“School mostly. I have a paper to write, plus work most days so I'll just be bogged down with that.”

“What do you study?” James asked interestedly.

“Art history.”

“Oh! Sirius is an artist!” Pete squeaked.

“Right, they drew me this morning actually,” Remus’ cheeks took on a bit of color.

“What are you writing a paper about?” Sirius steered the conversation away from hismorning’s portraiture, also blushing.

“Ana Mendieta, do you know her?” All three shook their heads. Sirius leaned forward a bit. “She was a brilliant artist. Cuban-American, mostly performance art. I’m focusing on her _Siluetas_ earth-body works. I’ll tell you more about it if you want but I don’t want to bore you.”

“No, sounds fascinating I’d love to hear more.”

Remus fully blushed now and leaned forward to explain more about the artist, pulling out their phone to show them all pictures of her pieces. Sirius felt himself turning to a puddle on the couch as he watched Remus glow with excitement and admiration as they spoke more and more animatedly. When they’d finished the sat back and sighed, looking thoughtful before they looked around and straightened in their seat, looking bashful and apologized.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to go on so long, did you want to start making dinner?”

“We didn’t mind at all,” James assured them.

“You get so excited when you talk about her, it was wonderful.” Sirius beamed.

Remus bit their lip and cleared their throat before finishing their beer.

“Right, so - pizza.” James clapped and stood up. “We thought it might be fun to sort of make our own pizzas since we all like such different things.”

They all loped into the kitchen (Sirius hopped onto the counter and Remus twitched a smile before standing beside him. Peter was peering excitedly around James who stood before an array of toppings and balls of dough.) James listed every ingredient on the counter before him, and Remus’ head spun. It was as if they’d set up an entire pizza parlor in their kitchen for this. Sirius cracked open another few beers, passing them around as they carried on their conversations and teasing while struggling to roll out their dough and create a beautiful pizza.

In the end, Peter’s was a hodgepodge of everything (including pineapples) that was hideous but surely tasted just fine, James made a wonky but fairly even pizza with just cheese and sausage, Sirius made an obnoxiously clean pizza with pesto, feta, mozzarella, mushrooms, spinach, and green peppers, and Remus had to laugh to see how similar their taste was. Remus’ pizza was considerably less beautiful but was similarly donned with pesto, feta, mozzarella, spinach, and banana peppers.

The pizzas were in the oven when Sirius said, “alright, who wants to smoke?”

An hour later, the three of them - Peter had gone to his room to finish up some work - were sat lazily, contentedly, in the living room, full and warm. Sirius had peeled away his jacket and pulled off his boots, and Remus’ mind had short circuited to see the tattoos up and down his arms and peeking through the v-neck showing his chest and neck. Remus felt heat pooling in their stomach and their cheeks and they swallowed loudly. Sirius tried not to feel smug when he caught Remus staring at him, slack jawed.

“Remus,” James asked suddenly, “where in your chart is Taurus?”

Remus sat up and stared at James, trying to decipher his words. “What?”

“In your birth chart, you know the zodiac? I know you’ve got to have the sign Taurus in there somewhere.”

“Oh. I don’t know. I only know the first two, the moon and the main one.”

“Sun and moon? Alright, what are they then?”

“Pisces in the main one and uh, Leo I believe. For the moon.”

James smiled, “A bloody pisces, aye? And Leo.” He was thoughtful for a moment.

“I can’t wait to get to know you better. And you don’t know what time you were born?”

Remus shook his head.

“Shame,” murmured James, and it looked like he meant it too. “You’re definitely Taurus something. Probably rising or mercury or something.”

Remus chuckled. James was so deeply thoughtful about this.

“What are you lot then?” Remus asked.

“I’m a Scorpio Sagittarius.” Said Sirius with a smirk. Remus wished they knew why. They thought they’d need to look it up later, if they could remember.

“They don’t know what time they were born either. Though if they did I swear we’d find out they’re a bloody Cancer.”

Remus didn’t bother asking what any of this meant, and just nodded and ‘hmm’ed assentingly.

“And you’re a double Aries you tosser.” Sirius laughed at James. “A double Aries!’ They repeated emphatically to Remus who just raised their eyebrows in put on shock. “Even the stars know he’s a fucking obnoxious.”

Remus actually laughed at that. They checked their watched and sighed. “I actually ought to be getting back home - I’ve got work tomorrow so I need to wake up at a decent hour.”

“God forbid.”

“Honestly,” they stood up and stretched. Sirius felt the aches in their back and hips and wrists - most of their joints, really - as they stood up. “It’s been brilliant, thanks again for having me Sirius, James.” They nodded at each of them and Sirius got up too, to walk them the two steps to the door where Remus pulled on their shoes and Sirius stood by awkwardly. 

Sirius wished desperately that James weren’t in the room so he could kiss Remus. The tension between them felt like a rope, and Sirius hoped that meant that they felt the same. When Remus stood up again they looked at each other tenderly and swallowed thickly.

“Well uh, bye then.” Remus finally said. Turning to wave at James then back to Sirius. They stalled inexpertly. Should they hug? Shake hands? Wave? Remus tucked his hair behind his ear and stuck out a hand. Sirius took it and shook, feeling electricity rocketing between their fingers. “I’ll see you soon again, I hope?”

Sirius smiled, “I’d really like that. Will you er, will you text me when you get home? Just to make sure you get there safely.”

Remus laughed. “Sure Sirius,” and they turned and left.

Sirius groaned and leaned back against the door a moment later.

“Oof, Sirius you’ve got it bad, mate.” James offered from the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More on Ana Mendieta's 'Siluetas': http://www.artnet.com/artists/ana-mendieta/
> 
> Song Sirius sung in the shower - Night Shift by Lucy Dacus  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2AF5Kzxb4pz7j79Ity84pP?si=-1cb5uF1QbmYc0GJYmEBTQ
> 
> So i've written a number of chapters after this and the fic is going in the direction of sweet t4t love w gender euphoria and exploration and angst (bc it's me obv srry) and some smut and smut adjacent scenes!!! so excited to share it w you I'm having a blast and hope you'll enjoy it too!


End file.
